Progress Work: A New Story Arc, it makes more sense

So last night Ferry and I camped out in basement until we were done with a story. We followed the two books Ed handed out to us on screen writing and developed from what Mark had introduced to us yesterday at Sheridan College. Basically we developed the following story arc that defines what will happen with the three acts. I think the story we have now come up with makes the most sense. Ferry and I are an unstoppable team!

So to run through the story we have so far...

The camera opens up to a white empty space and we are introduced to Billy, a small 5 year old kid who looks slightly frustrated and lost, his lips are curling in as if he is about to start crying and we see in his eyes the same innocence that the character Puss In Boots showed in Shrek 2.

Billy takes baby steps but is confused as to what direction to walk in and looks around the empty space for some sign of direction, in an almost frightened and lost voice he says "Mommy....? Mommy?" but only hears his voice echo this empty universe he has found himself in.

Suddenly he sees a dark figure approach in a heroic stance and realizes that his tiny distress situation was picked up by this super being, this super man. Billy holds back his tears and looks at this new character from foot to as high as his tiny neck can stretch. The unknown hero steps forward from the shadows and reveals his face asking him "Are you lost? Let me help you...". The unknown hero turns out to be the famous Super Michel Jakson, and this is Billy's first encounter with this incredibly well-know superhero.

When Billy's eyes land on Super MJ's face a sudden terror emerges in Billy's eyes and he breaks into tears. He now feels like he is in grave danger and his life is at risk. Billy seems to be very afraid of this super hero, so scared that he is afraid to move, all he can do is stand and cry.

Super MJ's heart can't take Billy's increased distress and he wants to quiet Billy down so that he can help him. Super MJ feels it is his duty to help every child in the world and Billy definitely seems to need his help. In the increased tension, MJ starts making funny faces at Billy in order to calm him down. Billy slows down his crying and looks at MJ then suddenly breaks into more tears, this time yelling for Mommy.

MJ is confused as to what to do and starts to sweat a little. He has realized that Billy can't be helped until he stops crying but the biggest challange seems to be stopping him from crying. MJ starts to have second thoughts but the child's yelling reminds MJ of his super hero responsibilities and his devotion to children everywhere. MJ is now more determined than ever to help Billy and will not give up!

In an effort to calm Billy down again MJ uses his super abilities of flight and speed to fly back and forth with objects that might stop Billy from crying. MJ dashes back and forth in a split second and hands Billy a rubix cube, Billy continues to cry. MJ dashes back and forth with ice-creme but that ends up melting during flight, Billy keeps crying. MJ dashes back and forth and comes back with a baby bottle filled with milk and puts it in Billy's mouth. Silence.

MJ seems to have achieved the impossible, he stopped Billy from crying and he feels very proud of himself. MJ decides to reach over and grab Billy gently telling him "Let's go find your mommy little boy..."

Suddenly Billy throws the bottle at MJ's face and goes into a fit. Billy is now extremely frustred and annoyed and his actions start to show. He starts stopping around yelling, annoying MJ as much as he thinks he can. MJ's face brings forward a look of defeat and regret, he feels he has had enough of this kid. His eyes start to heat up and redden as if he wants to use his heat vision to obliterate this kid.

Suddeny a gentle voice from the left yells "Billy, let's go, I got your ice-creme...where have you been". Billy runs to the voice yelling "Mommy!" with his arms spread open and a cheerful smile.

MJ's eyes start to go back to normal as they follow Billy moving away from him. MJ is now left dumbstruck and disappointed.

THE END

Our next steps are to finish a story board and present this story and story board to Mark to get more professional feedback. Hopefully we can get some discussion time with Mark this Tuesday.